This is my entry in the "Why I Like Simon's Barbecued Kettle Chips" contest
There was nothing in the rules that said my entry couldn't be a song
And man, I love those chips
Best damn chips in the world
Yum mighty yum yum yum

This is my entry in the "Why I like Simon's Barbecued Kettle chips" contest
There was nothing in the rules that said I couldn't use a little salty language
Don't believe I crossed the line
And Christian Bale said it's ok
Yum mighty yum yum yum

This is my entry in the "Why I like Simon's Barbecued Kettle chips" contest
There was nothing in the rules that said I couldn't make false statements about Christian Bale
And while I'm on the subject
Brahma Gula Fishnook Ha!!
Yum mighty yum yum yum

This is my entry in the "Why I like Simon's Barbecued Kettle chips" contest
There was nothing in the rules that said I couldn't say an evil incantation
You may be feeling weak now
And hear buzzing in your ears
Yum mighty yum yum yum

This is my entry in the "Why I like Simon's Barbecued Kettle chips" contest
There was nothing in the rules that said I couldn't fill your car with lots of hornets
That will cause you to make a wrong turn
And drive to a customized hellscape
Modeled after the movie Pan's Labyrinth
And that Eric Roberts film about the talking cat
A place where it rains Spirograph pins
Where your phone is filled with hedgehog memes and fire ants
Where you hold a gender reveal party for the creature under your bed and no one bothers to check the registry
Where you can't tell if the raisin bread is old, or if that's just the way the raisin bread is
Where the only sound for miles is the drumming of Mirror Universe Buddy Rich, a horrible drummer but a really nice guy
Where your old high school geometry teacher reduces you to a pool of tears, which your neighbor converts into a jacuzzi
Where affluent zombie chipmunks send you nasty letters that...