It was the year of Rio Olympics
And Zika bugs and selfie sticks
When the GOP they picked a prick
Fifty years ago, I tell ya son
It was the year the big-mouth asshole almost won

I know it's hard to fathom now
How he got so close to the white house
When he casually told his angry white crowd
I'll pay for your lawyer, now go beat up someone
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won

He almost won, nearly took it all
Even while the Ku Klux Klan endorsed him, y'all
He thought using nukes was a top-notch option
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won

Yeah he denied the fact that he'd
Filed bankruptcy after bankruptcy
On casinos for the love of pete
We saw his amazing business acumen
(But no tax returns)
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won
(It takes a real moron to lose money on a casino)

He worked the crowd like a con-man
Kept his words small just like his hands
Doubling down when questioned and
Giving no apology or retraction
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won

He almost won, nearly took it all
The year we heard them screaming, build that wall
It was a particularly tough year to be a Muslim American
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won

First he stood for this, then he stood for that
Like a registered Republicrat
He called women whores and gross and fat
And he promised punishments for abortions
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won

In the land of willful illiteracy
We learned the word oligarchy
And also demagoguery
And open unwashed blatant racism
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won

He almost won, nearly took it all
But this thin-skinned emperor has no balls
We started to envy the North Koreans
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won

And according to Sean Hannity
The zombie scandal in Benghazi
Was Hillary's fault entirely
So it really didn't hurt that she
Was as disliked as Donald T.
As he riled up society
So sure that he and only he
Could come up with yuuuuge solutions
The year the big-mouth asshole almost won

But then a sort of miracle occurred
Our votes were cast, our voices heard
Somehow we flushed that mouthy turd
And there was still lots of work to get done
Gotta quit the frackin' and money launderin'
She was no Bernie, but we thought maybe she'd listen (a little bit)
As we spun ever closer to the sun
The year the big-mouth narcissistic, xenophobic, misogynistic,
megalomaniacal, morally and fiscally bankrupt, bullying, bigoted
asshole almost won