The duel, the duel, the duel, the duel, the duel, the duel, the duel.

The mist was rising from the hill
The earth was still
The deer was drinking dew out of the lily pad
The deer was startled by the sound
He shot a runny poo on the ground
He scampered away, among the lily pads

As the footsteps drew near
The image grew clear
With a wide-brimmed hat and shiny spurs
The Cow Chip Kid was here

On the other side of the meadow
A helpless little bunny nibbled tulips
And Shilpa the Ox was eating 
Boysenberries by the cabbage patch

Amazingly there was another sound
She spilled her stomach contents on the ground
The rabbit shot flames out of his bottom
And scorched the cabbage patch

The Kid could hear a sloshin' as the figure drew close
Soon he recognized him as one of his foes
With two pearl-handled buckets on each hip
The Dog Vomit Dude had arrived

It was the duel, the dirty duel
It was the duel, the dirty duel
It was one man against the other
In the battle of bodily excrement
The meadow wasn't big enough for the both of them
The duel will be totally excellent

The Dog Vomit Dude made his move first
He had to quench the Cow Chip Kid's vomit thirst
He whipped out a vomit bucket, filled it up, and chucked it
At the Cow Chip Kid's head
He wanted to make (wanted to make) 
He wanted to make (wanted to make)
The Cow Chip Kid dead

But the Cow Chip Kid wasn't falling for his scheme
He saw the vomit coming so he ducked under a bush
And then he decided to counter-attack
He picked a chip up, hucked it at the Dog Vomit Dude's face

Ooooo, ahhhh Mother's gonna help you build

The duel, the dirty duel
It was the duel, the dirty duel
It was one man against the other
In the battle of bodily excrement
The meadow wasn't big enough for the both of them
The duel is being totally excellent

The Kid went Number Two 
To be #1
The Dude threw up throw-up
The duel was effing on!

The battle raged on high
Clouds of methane filled the sky

The ceased a'fightin' when they heard the jangle of sperms
A shiny tin-star announced the cumslinger's return
Two loaded erections aimed in either direction...

Wild Bill Jizzwad was on the scene!

To find out more about Excrement Outlaws of the Old West, visit your local liberry.