In Newsong's "The Christmas Shoes" the singer finds himself in a checkout line behind a scruffy tike. The boy can't find enough pennies to make his purchase! Which is a pair of shoes!! For his mommy!!! Who is dying!!!! On Christmas Eve!!!!! "I want her to look beautiful," he says, "if Mama meets Jesus tonight."

It's guaranteed to bring a tear to your eye, no doubt caused by the sting of stomach acid in your throat. And it makes you hope the store has a flexible return policy.

If ever a song deserved - nay, begged - to be parodied, it is this one. So here ya go: "The Christmas Thong," with lyrics by Spaff and guest vocals by Macy Lund. Yes, Macy is Robert's offspring, and yes, for this, we're all going to hell. Where the PA plays "The Christmas Shoes" 24/7.

Incidentally, Robert Lund has recorded numerous Christmas songs over the years; many of the best are collected on the CD Elves Gone Wild! Please buy it!! For your mommy!!! Who is dying!!!! On Christmas Eve!!!!!