If Don McLean's biggest hit and William Shakespeare's biggest hit had a bastard child, it might look something like this.

In 2005, M. Spaff Sumsion's lyrics won Amiright's first Song of the Year contest and the site's denizens double-dog-dared Robert Lund to record this behemoth. He worked on it on and off for three years, and the result is this song, which went to #2 in Dr. Demento's Top Ten and was even cited in an otherwise-respectable Shakespeare textbook.

Listen for cameos from FuMP members Carrie "Ophelia" Dahlby and Tom "Hamlet" Smith.