Never Gonna Wear Pants Again Parody of "Never Gonna Not Dance Again” by Pink (Alecia Beth Moore / Johan Karl Schuster / Martin Max Sandberg) New lyrics by Insane Ian If someone told me there was no more need for pants It probably would be the only time you’d see me dance (yeah right) You could have my trousers, take my britches, take my sweats My pantaloons, my jeans, capris, and even better yet ‘Cause, oh, one thing I'm really hoping for Is to never shop for slacks no more, and Oh, Lord, please hear my whispered prayer tonight I'll kick my legs high With uncovered thighs Won’t need to worry ‘bout waste size! I'm never gonna wear pants again I'm never gonna wear pants again Oh, I just wanna feel the breeze on my nethers Free up both of my legs Never gonna wear pants again (oh) P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants P-P-P-P-P-Pants not wearin’ pants I know this sounds just like a Boy Meets Robot song (Not Puttin’ On Pants) Won’t need to tuck, (I’m) not Donald Duck, I’ll keep my undies on, yeah If I could kill the thing constricting both my legs I’d feel I’d won the lottery, so please don’t make me beg The freedom that this pantslessness would bring (ooh wee ee oooh) Is enough to crown me “Bare Leg King”, and Oh no, don’t try to tell me this is wrong I'll wear a sarong (I'll wear a sarong) Or maybe a thong (or maybe a thong) I’ll make sure I cover my dong I'm never gonna wear pants again I'm never gonna wear pants again Oh, maybe I’ll wear kilts or fancy dresses To hell with gender roles Never gonna wear pants again (oh) P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants P-P-P-P-P-Pants not wearin’ pants P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants P-P-P-P-P-Pants I'll kick my legs high With uncovered thighs C’mon now, just give it a try (why) For women and men Non-binary friends We’ll never skip leg day again I’ll never skip leg day again I'm never gonna wear pants again I'm never gonna wear pants again Oh, you might wanna start to call me Vambre From “Mighty Magiswords” Never gonna wear pants again (hey, hey) I'm never gonna wear pants again (never gonna wear pants again) Pants again (but I’ll still cover up my rear end) Pants again (never gonna wear pants again) Pants again (but I’ll still cover up my rear end) (Pants again) hey Never gonna wear pants again (Pants again) (But I’ll still cover up my rear end) Cover it up (Pants again) Never gonna wear pants again (Pants again) (but I’ll still cover up my rear end) come on, come on (I'm never gonna wear pants again) (But I’ll still cover up my rear end) yeah, yeah I'm never gonna wear pants again But I’ll still cover up my rear end …anyone else cold?
The FuMP
2023-01-27
Artist
Insane Ian
Yes, I know there are plenty of songs about the benefits of a pantsless existence (one of which I participated in and even reference here) but this new song by P!nk was too good to not give the parody treatment to, despite some -- myself included -- feeling this may be more in the "dumb parody ideas" realm.
From my upcoming B-side collection, "Smarm-Proof Lobster Cabinet", due out at Marscon 2023.
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