MAN STUCK IN OUTHOUSE PIT FOR TWO DAYS
COUPLE TRIES TO SELL BABY AT WAL-MART
WOMAN KEPT 32 CATS AT MOTEL
LAWYER RUNS OVER HIMSELF WITH GOLF CART

2-YEAR-OLD ABANDONED AT CHUCK E. CHEESE
ROBBER FALLS OVER HIS SAGGY PANTS
GUY FOUND DEAD INSIDE LOCKED VIDEO PORN BOOTH
MAN SAYS COCAINE IN HIS BUTTOCKS ISN'T HIS

SUSPECT TRIES TO CHEW OFF HIS OWN FINGERPRINTS
WOMEN TRY TO TAKE DEAD MAN ON PLANE
MOM MAKES SON KILL HAMSTER WITH HAMMER OVER BAD REPORT CARD

ADOPTED SON FINDS BIRTH MOTHER - SHE'S A SIDESHOW BEARDED LADY
OWNER OF SEGWAY COMPANY DRIVES ONE OFF A CLIFF (BYE-BYE!)
WOMAN MISTAKES SUPER GLUE FOR EYE DROPS
TOURIST FALLS INTO GRAND CANYON
WIFE HITS HUSBAND IN CROTCH WITH CROWBAR
MAN IS FORCED TO EAT HIS OWN BEARD

WOMAN RUNS OVER HERSELF - TWICE
MAN KILLED BY FAMILY OVER TV REMOTE
MAILMAN MARRIES HIS DYING CAT
THIEF STEALS CAR THAT HAS NO BRAKES

PLAN TO LIGHT A BARREL OF METHANOL ON FIRE AND
RIDE IT LIKE A ROCKET DOESN'T GO SO WELL ARAB BRIDE HID CROSSED EYES AND FACIAL HAIR BEHIND VEIL
MAN TRIES TO TRADE BABY FOR BEER
WOMAN STARTS OFFICE FIRE TO GET OFF EARLY
COPS GIVE SUSPECT CAVITY SEARCH, FIND ANAL VIBRATOR

MAN DRIVING TRUCK IMPALED BY FLYING CANOE
WOMAN BREASTFEEDS HER DOG
GRAMPA IS A PORN STAR

SOME ARE SICK AND SOME ARE GORY
BUT EVERY ONE IS A TRUE STORY
IF WACKY NEWS IS WHAT YOU LIKE TO HEAR
IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR

WOMAN CRASHES CAR SHAVING HER HOO-HAH WHILE DRIVING