I wanna eat a big piece of cheese
A big piece of cheese, dipped in antifreeze
I wanna eat a big piece of cheese
Right before bed

I really enjoy gastric reflux
Gastric reflux, and barbecued ducks
I really enjoy gastric reflux
And waking up choking and panicking

Cheese before bed gives me really weird dreams
Like I'm in the Philippines, living on soup and jelly beans
Cheese before bed gives me really weird dreams
About ducks and Anthony Hopkins and oatmeal

Oatmeal is a poor substitute for spackle
Substitute for spackle, or Vietnamese Scrabble
Oatmeal is a poor substitute for spackle
But it's slightly more tasty

I wanna eat a big bowl of spackle
A big bowl of spackle, at the Mormon Tabernacle
I wanna eat a big bowl of spackle
With raisins and turnips and drywall screws

I wrote this song in the Buffalo airport
In the Buffalo airport, and it's too late to abort
I wrote this song in the Buffalo airport
When Northwest lost my luggage

I'm really gonna miss my Harry Potter toothbrush
My Harry Potter toothbrush, though I don't use it all that much
I'm really gonna miss my Harry Potter toothbrush
And my mint flavored Voldemort floss

I liked the books way better than the movies
Better than the movies, which can kiss my booty
I liked the books way better than the movies
Cause too much got left out

I wanna eat a huge piece of cheese
A huge piece of cheese, all covered in fleas
I wanna eat a huge piece of cheese
And puke it on that kid who keeps screaming