I was doing some dumpster diving
When I heard the couple across the way fighting
I ducked down so they wouldn’t know I heard
When apparently she got the last word
I think she stabbed him!
She tagged him and bagged him and dragged him outside
Heaved him in the dumpster to gather flies
Now with all the slim jims and bottles of brew
Suddenly this dumpster had seating for two
He was dead, and I held his hand
Couldn’t believe she walked away from this perfect man
I’d been single for so long and dammit, this was my chance
He ain’t breathin’, but he’s all mine
Room for improvement, but otherwise he's fine
She got the best years of his life, and I got eternity
No he ain’t breathin’, but he’s everything to me
I make him dinner, he’s never late
He loves my cooking, though he can’t masticate
That’s a fancy word for chewing, which he ain’t really doing
Cause his face is stuck
Eat them taters baby… open up for the airplane!
He’s my snuggle buddy, we hold cold hands
As we watch Frozen over and over again
My parents hate him, they blow up my phone
But he's my stinky dinky, they tell me let it go, let it go
He ain’t breathin’, but he’s all mine
Room for improvement, but otherwise he's fine
He’ll never knock me up, he’ll never lie or cheat
No he ain’t breathin’, it's better than a vasectomy
The only good guy is a dead guy
That’s what Nana would always say
Who could be more loyal, than a guy who’s passed away
We like BDSM, he’s so into submission
And these days I get to pick every position
Our love is so uncommon, now I’m studying embalmin’
Now when we do it, who gets to inject who with fluids?
Like magic he’s always ready to go, abracadabra
He should be the poster boy for viagara
The neighbors might complain about the noise and report us
But there’s no little pill that keeps you stiff like, rigor mortis
If your erection lasts more than four years, consult your mortician
He ain’t breathin’, but he’s all mine
Room for improvement, but otherwise he's fine
She got the best years of his life, and I got eternity
No he ain’t breathin’, but he’s everything to me
He's my expiration date
No he ain’t breathin’, OMG! RIP!
Necrophilia's only a felony in seventeen states, right?
The FuMP
2016-10-18
Artist
Steve Goodie
Title
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Okay, it's almost Halloween... and add to that all the scary and nasty things that are happening this election season... and it becomes the perfect time for a particularly wrong song about necrophilia!
This is a way-over-the-line little tune about why dating a dead guy has its advantages. Sung by the one and only Natalie L. McGillicuddy (who is a real-life mortician), it's a romantic ditty which will undoubtedly be misunderstood.
WARNING! THIS SONG IS VERY ICKY!
Words and music: SG and Natalie L. McGillicuddy
Vocal: Natalie L. McGillicuddy
Guitars, bass, drums, mandolin, pedal steel guitar, piano, keys, backup vocals, production, arrangement: SG
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