I took an early plane at 7:45
Drove up to the gate to that gleam in Mickey’s eye
Gave the parking guy my wallet and he sucked that puppy dry
Guess I’ll hit the ATM inside
 
Of the happiest place on earth
Where any discount they offer is just a little joke
And you have to get a bank loan for a churro and a Coke
Mickey’s got a strong pimp hand at Disneyland
 
I strolled on through the gate of that wondrous magic place
And I was met by a mouse up in my face
And I know his name is Mickey, but his palms are a little sticky
Now my wallet’s gone without a trace
Goddamn rat.
 
At the happiest place on earth
Where all the birds look like they’re talking and plastic flowers bloom
Cuz Goofy’s selling roofies inside the Tiki Room
Mickey’s got a strong pimp hand at Disneyland
 
All I wanted was a t-shirt
Why oh why does my butt hurt
Minnie Mouse is a big flirt
Just put the money on the dresser
And if you can’t pay your way in
Be aware of Mickey’s hitmen            
There’s 7 of the little kin
Dopey  Grumpy Bashful Sleepy  Sneezy   Doc  and Trigger Happy
 
I stepped on a boat to hear the children sing
It’s A Small World is such a sweet refrain
Then I saw something that had me quite confused
A bunch of them were making tennis shoes
 
At the happiest place on earth
Until you lose all of your money playing cards with Donald Duck
For just a little honey Winnie the Pooh will get you a good... time
Mickey’s got a strong pimp hand at Disneyland
Mickey’s got a strong pimp hand at Disnelyand
Don’t end up in a shallow grave by a murderous little dwarf at Disneyland.