The only thing it does is make things fall down
And the only reason was that the earth is round
Well suppose I didn’t wanna go down, maybe I wanna
Go up, goodness knows that is gonna be tough
‘Cause now I gotta go to the complete other side 
Of the planet, because it can’t fall up, can it?
I tried to understand it, it stinks all around
‘Cause all it wants to do is make things fall down
And it all falls at the same speed, that’s dumb
Thirty-two feet per second, where the heck is that from
Things with more mass should fall more fast
But no, gravity is just a pain in the ass

Ooh! Look at me! I’m gravity! I’m stupid
Ooh! Look at me! I’m gravity! I’m stupid

I’m resigned to my fate so I’ll state in plain words
If gravity’s so great, explain birds
It’s a force that tries to drag everything down
So why’s the moon keep going round and round?
The sky is falling! Sure enough, well it could be
And why ain’t that stuff on the shelf where it should be?
Right, ‘cause my cat is an asshole, of course
And he’s dazzled by gravity’s fanciful force
It goes on forever causing drag, that’s dumb
It’ll never stop until your boobs sag, that’s dumb
Even men, that’s dumb, so what I’ve done, here’s a clue, kid
Hack the Wikipedia page to say “STUPID!”

Ooh! Look at me! I’m gravity! I’m stupid
Ooh! Look at me! I’m gravity! I’m stupid
Ooh! Look at me! I’m gravity! I’m stupid
Ooh! Look at me! I’m gra...