Feeling Flush
lyrics by Ian Bonds
music by Ben Stahl

Time seems to stand still as I fill up on bread
Dinner plans and romance the only thoughts in my head
Til finally in front of me my main course arrives
You got a salad. Me, a burger with fries
I can't disguise that my dinner does not agree with me
No surprise when I stand up and leave suddenly
In front of me I can see that your smile starts to fade
You're dismayed, you say "Babe, can't this kind of thing wait?"
It's apparent you're emabarassed, but think of how I feel
When I have to use the bathroom after every single meal

You sit there all alone with a slice of peach cobbler
While you husband sits and suffers with the bladder of a toddler

Chorus:
I'm Feeling Flush, got the rush to go
Can not seem to keep things in control
Some one save me, I fear for my soul
I'm feeling flush

Everyday, it's the same, whenever nature calls
I'm always sittin', never standing, when I'm inside the stalls
I'm appalled when i think of how often I go
But then I never drink coffee, so what do I know?
Yes it's true, I go poo after every time I eat
To be safer I put paper 'round the entire seat
'Cause I hate public bathrooms, man they never seem clean
But I relax when I'm home, if you know what I mean
It's how I unwind and eliminate stress
Can't tell you all the games I beat on my 3DS
If I counted that amount would be quite alarmin'
But I think it's high time I fin'ly bought stock in Charmin

When I do a show, don't wanna miss my cue
Give myself thirty minutes for my "pre-show poo"

Chorus

My doctor seems to think
And I agree with her suggestion
That my body grew up
Except for my digestion
My metabolism's fast
Turning food into waste
It's a wonder that I even
Seem to gain any weight!

When you hear this song, I hope you enjoy it
'cause I wrote the whole thing while sitting on the...couch

Chorus