V1 Bananas oh bananas so Curved & yellow, you’ll be crackin’ a smile. All the way from distant jungles to your grocer on the veggie-fruit aisle. They have their own republic, & they’re tallied in a bunch. High in vitamen B6 & C. Pull the strings down as you eat. The booty has the seed. Trash the peels since they’re so slippery. CH Heyyy, can’t we say that bananas are the funniest fruit? You can Cram, a whole one in ya mouth & try to talk or chew. Oh-oh Oh-oh . . . But first ya gotta pick the shade you want, from light green to rot black. Give the spotty ones to monkeys, folks, because they age so fast. Those mini ones are really so cute Bananas are the funniest fruit. V2 Bananas oh bananas—don’t bang’m round too bad or you’ll cause a bruise. I must confess I’m a bit picky about bananas when it’s time to consume: Only like’m yellow. Then alone or in a split. Banana bread is ok too. The organic ones are bunk, but buy’m if you please. There's bananas always waiting for you! BR "You say ba-NAA-nuh, I say ba-NAH-nuh. --- Just GIVE me that!" No, honey, That’s a plantain; put that back. So let me tell ya how to elegantly eat around a bruise: Simply eat down to the bruise, and break off the cylindrical section containing it. Then, turning the good side toward you, bite and eat the non-bruise part, disposing of the bruise properly. Hang’m on a hook or you can use one like a phone. . Just try to eat'm before they become goo.
The FuMP
2024-12-03
This song is all things banana...how funny they are, the seed, strings, peels. It was inspired by a humor article I wrote for my high school newspaper (included below in case you're curious, lol). There's a dance remix too at iTunes and Amazon. Please Follow and Subscribe at YouTube and IG (@kurplunkmusic) for new funny songs/videos! Most songs from the album can be heard at our YouTube channel plus behind the scenes content.
HOW TO EAT A BANANA (or BANANA ETIQUETTE):
First you must choose the shade of banana you want to eat. Basically there are four shades—light green, yellow (perfect), spotted, and rot-black. This is also a good way to judge how old a banana is, for instance, if you found one in a locker or on the subway and are considering eating it.
There are basically three ways to eat your banana: Peel it down a bit at a time; unpeel the whole thing and take its naked helpless inside out; or stuff the whole thing into your mouth and try to chew or talk. If you like green bananas, you will need a sharp object, most likely a pocket knife, scissors, or a Samurai sword to help open it because green bananas are particularly ornery.
A dark wretched spot on the exterior of the banana usually indicates a nasty, brown, unpleasant bruise on the inside. Unless you love to eat bruises, you should not choose to purchase this banana. If you do find a bruise in your banana, do not bite it out and spit it on a napkin, AND FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE DON’T EAT IT! Simply eat down to the bruise, and break off the cylindrical section containing the bruise. Then, turning the good side toward you, bite and eat the non-bruise part, disposing of the bruise properly.
Last, be sure not to eat the banana “booty,” a vile, dark, seed-like thing at the end of the fruit part of the banana.
Have a great Christmas,
Kurt Kirton
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