There is a train, train, train
That is bound for glory
But you won't find me on board
If you're wonderin' why [why oh why]
Come and listen to the story
Of why I'm not on a first-name basis with the Lord
When I was a little child [just a little bitty tyke]
I used to read the gospel
And I prayed at night up in my room
But then I went to college [U.C.L.A.]
And the required reading
Included Schopenhauer, Kant, and David Hume
In a very short time [in the relative sense]
I had to declare my major
And I chose philosophy
Cause I began to think [therefore I am]
That I could totally ace the midterm
Because I could already spell epistemology
By my sophomore year [still living in the dorm]
I began to doubt and ponder
The very existence of "you know who"
I had become [a godless heathen]
I prefer the term "agnostic" [whatever]
Profound as Bertrand Russell, existential as Camus
Hey gimme that ol' Skepticism
Gimme that Logical Positivism
Dialectical Materialism's good enough for me
Oh, have you warshed in Einstein's theory that
Space/Time is curvilinear, not flat
Or speculate each moment of your life
Is as random as Schr