T'was the night before popestink, and all through the goat
The croutons were twirling like tits on a boat
The scarves of young bellhops were basted in phlegm
In the hopes that Tom Brokaw would grow on a stem
The milkman was throbbing and glaring at clamps
While erstwhile gophers molested his lamps
And I and my carrot that made me lick spheres
Were spanking a nun underwater at Sears
When out in the beefhole a Frenchman was squirted
And clanged with such force that my nipples inverted
With ponies and catheters chained to my nose,
I neutered a biscuit and swallowed my clothes
The clams in my waitress demanded more towels
As poodle-clad jockeys read porn scripts to owls
And there, on the perfectly boneless horizon
A vomiting duck made me switch to Verizon
The voice of my thermostat cut through the night
Like a fat Presbyterian licking a kite
It promised me hampers of mayonnaise and sorrow
And belched like a barnacle baptized by Charo
"On kiwis! On forklifts! On poultry and nipples!
"On youppers! On poopers! On commies and cripples!
"To the nostril of glee! To the concubine planet!
"Now Marmaduke, Marmaduke, Marmaduke, dammit!"
As elk-flavored media gargled in pain
Like a murderous thermos of pork in the rain
Then the constable pudding that lived in my basement
Birthed forth manifestos on bovine replacement
And then, like the screech of a bucket of toast
When a rectal kaleidoscope comes in the post,
A warm feathered hat made of anger and meat
Threw a cat through my face and glued fame to my feet
The porcelain lullabies bled through the cheese
As fiberglass embryos marched by in threes
Gelatinous oven mitts nibbled my back
Like toenails and mayonnaise mixed in a sack
Bouquets of gay trapezoids buttered a cop
While Spaniards and circuity bred in a mop
And the thuderous anthem of blackheads in June
Destroyed mice with the Q-tip that pooped on your spoon
As pompadour-polishers piddled a prayer
And sodomy-nuggets sewed poems to a bear
Electric aristrocrats rendered in fleece
All the vestibule-wrestling pogo police
With a cuddly anvil held tight to my butt
I deflated a taco and called it a slut
The parmesan poodleclock puckered in pain
Like a puddle-clad henwipe ingesting a train
Testicular tomahawks burned through the beans
As the omelette capacitors strangled their spleens
Because spaying a turnip may tickle a tank,
But the sex you can bake is the milk you can spank
A barnacle cocktail ate birds in a maze
And the diaper repairmen prescribed Dijonnaise
But I heard him exclaim, as he gargled his arm,
"I farm where I romp, and I romp where I farm!"

Copyright 2007 Timothy F. Crist