I have a cottage in a wizarding village
And lately my life’s pretty rough
Because the family next door moved out
And my new neighbor’s a Hufflepuff.

Now Hufflepuffs are damn fine wizards,
Tri-Wizard Tournament Runners-up.
And you may never find a friend more loyal,
Or more deserving of Helga’s cup, but

This Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up…
A Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up.
And now she just makes sandwiches and won’t do other stuff…
A Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up.

I used to host some lovely parties,
One was attended by Dumbledore.
But ever since my house elf’s pregnant
She doesn’t help with them anymore.

To make it worse, it’s not like he loves her
This badger loves to drop his shorts.
Something he had done in the owl room
Got him kicked out of Hogwarts

This Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up…
A Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up.
And now she just makes sandwiches and won’t do other stuff…
A Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up.

It’s not exactly glamorous
A Hufflepuff so amorous,
A deviant whose doinking every
Creature he can find.
He had a go at Hagrid’s dog.
He even nailed a chocolate frog
A bowtruckle, a bludger, 
and a golden snitch three times.
The monster book of monsters, too,
And Crookshanks in the common room
A leprechaun, a grindylow,
the garden gnomes outside.
He buggered a blast ended skrewt.
He diddles to that book by Newt.
The Gringotts goblins filed a suit 
and won’t let him inside, cause

This Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up…
A Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up.
And now she just makes sandwiches and won’t do other stuff…
A Hufflepuff knocked my house elf up.