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2007-06-29
Rob Balder Yet Another Stupid Decade - NetHack Turns 20 

In July 2007, the game of NetHack celebrates 20 years of continuous open-source development. This song is dedicated to everyone who helped bring me ten thousand fun ways to die.

Skippy sank in lava, Corwin turned to slime,
They could both see what was coming but they couldn't pray in time.
Pinky fought a soldier ant that crawled out of his backpack
They were all in love with dyin', they were doing it in NetHack.
Bertha swung Mjollnir like a Valkyrie in the rain
Then she lost her mind in Sokoban; a flayer ate her brain.
They were all in love with dyin', usin' every keyboard function,
As they tried to find the Amulet, somewhere in the dungeon.

I don't mind the text sometimes, the images it shows.
Running from the Ds and Ls, and killing all the Os.
Faded prints and subtle hints and fortune cookie lies.
You never ID all your stuff, until your @ sign dies.

In NetHack, you play an @ symbol in a randomly-generated dungeon, fighting every vicious letter of the alphabet, upper AND lower case. And several very nasty punctuation marks.

Some will die in hot pursuit, fleeing from a shop,
Some will eat a rubber hose, wielded by a Kop.
Some will stand there paralyzed,
Some will go down punchin'
As they try to find the Amulet, somewhere in the dungeon.

I don't mind the text sometimes, the images it shows.
Running from the Ds and Ls, and killing all the Os.
Faded prints and subtle hints and fortune cookie lies.
You never ID all your stuff, until your @ sign dies.

I've played since the eighties! I've seen more dungeons than Torquemada! I've killed more explorers than malaria! I've kicked in more doors than the LAPD and I've opened more chests than a M*A*S*H unit! Crom help me, I have ascended a Tourist.

Arthur tamed a jabberwock but died when it went feral.
Zack wielded a cockatrice, he fell down in a stairwell.
Theseus was butchered when he misspelled 'Elbereth,'
Carmen ate Medusa, yet another stupid death.
Chauncey fought the Oracle, he knew that it was chancey,
Cause you ASCII stupid question and you'll get a stupid ANSI.
They were all in love with dyin', they were perilously plungin'
As they tried to find the Amulet, somewhere in the dungeon.

I don't mind the text sometimes, the images it shows.
Running from the Ds and Ls, and killing all the Os.
Faded prints and subtle hints and fortune cookie lies.
You never ID all your stuff, until your @ sign dies.

You eat the fortune cookie.
There is a scrap of paper inside.
It says, "You will choke to death on a fortune cookie."
Identify your possessions? Y/N
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