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2014-01-14
the great
Luke Ski
Fake Adult 

Fake Adult
An original hip hop song about not feeling like a legitimate adult.
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski

(4 measure intro)

Verse 1:
I don't mean to be gender specific, but I
think an adult is a guy in a suit and a tie
who smells like aftershave, and has a mustache.
Wallet full of cash, won't do anything rash.
Has a big wooden desk, and his checks never bounce
'cause his job is adjusting financial accounts.
His last name sounds really important like 'Johnson',
like that guy from “Parks and Recreation”, Ron Swanson.
That describes me. ...Pfffsh, NOT!
My development wasn't arrested, it was taken out back and shot!
Execution style. Since then my inner child
has had free reign to just go buck wild.
Adolescence is where my brain decided to stick,
so when I rent a car it feels like a magic trick,
as if I pulled a fast one, but it shouldn't feel weird
considering I got my license when “The Simpsons” premiered.

Chorus 1:
Luke:
I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
Kid: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.

Verse 2:
When my Dad was my age, he had a wife and four kids,
and a house and two cars, and handled it like a whiz.
Me? I got a wife, and a couple of cats.
And the house and two cars? Yeah, my wife owns all that.
Um, I own a laptop which I got through Kickstarter,
and artistic skills which I sometimes will barter
for help with my music, and the whole time I know
that my so-called career is just a 4th grade talent show.
My credit rating's spiraling out of control,
and my basement's not a man cave, it's a hobbit hole
with more action figures than a con dealer,
and I'd rather drink a Coke than a tequila. (Uh huh. / Yeah.)
I'm racin' online with “MarioKart” playas,
meanwhile I have no clue what a 401-K is.
I think it's when you have a job, and there's money involved?
Uh, hold on, this “Portal” level here needs to get solved.

Chorus 2:
I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
Luke & Kids: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.

Bridge:
I'm not a grown-up, I'm just a simulation.
A counterfeit phony bogus faux imitation.
An artificial falsified misrepresentation
of a person who's of legal age is my situation.
I walk around thinking about how my whole life is a sham.
An elaborate scam. One day they'll see who I am,
then I'll be busted. My house will get raided,
and all my home-made puppets will get confiscated.

Verse 3:
Maybe I should wise up and make it my mission
to learn the name of at least one local politician.
Mmm, Oh, I just can't do it!
It's all right, I get my news from “SNL” and Jon Stewart!

60 Minutes” bores me, and is it so heinous
that I'd rather go to Disney World than to Las Vegas?
I'd rather watch David Spade as a llama than any drama,
But then I remember the words of President Obama...
[“The time has come to set aside childish things”]
...I don't know Barack, to me, it seems
that my generation was the first with the mentality of,
'growing older doesn't mean you abandon what you love'.
We embraced it, though our fears remain still,
so if you feel illegitimate, it's time to get ill!
If you're a fake adult like I've described in this song,
throw your toys in the air (Waa!), and sing along!

Chorus 3:
Luke & fake adults:
I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
Luke: One more time!
Luke & fake adults: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.

Outro verse:
I need to set my TiVo for those new cartoons “Wander Over Yonder”
and “Steven Universe”, then on Twitter I'll ponder,
which was the better talking pig movie, “Babe” or “Gordy”?
Maybe “Charlotte's Web”? Oh and another thing, I'M FORTY!!!

(music stops, 2 measure break filled with desolate wind sound effect, followed by kid heard singing softly off in the distance)

Outro Chorus:
Kid:
I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
(fades out over last 4 measures)
I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.

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