Why does sour cream have
an expiration date?
Why did Joe Talese
want to name his son “Gay”?
You close your freezer door
(but) does the light go out?
Is the hok-ey-pokey really
what it’s all about?
They’re trivial mysteries...

So French fries aren’t French
Boxing “rings” are square, I hear
You can wear a “pair” of pants
But a single brassiere
Why would “lisp” have an “s” in it?
What makes stamp collecting fun?
Slim or fat is the same chance...
But a Guinea pig is neither one

No reason
Has ever been found for
dropped toast always
Landing jelly-side down

Life ‘s got lots of trivial mysteries
like Braille on drive-through bank machines
Yeah I’m certain, trivial mysteries
There’s NO child without A.D.D.

I think “abbreviation”
is much too much too long a word
And how does the snow
plow guy get to work, oh?
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Why do cats ignore us?
Why should there be
just one word for “thesauras”?

Why’s “mnemonic”
spelled that f’ed up way?
When cheese gets photographed,
what does it say?

Yeah, they’ve worried (me), trivial mysteries
from infancy to adultry
Yeah I’m certain, trivial mysteries
No free cell phone is ever free

Yeah they bug me, trivial mysteries
Why’d Lou Gerhig invent that disease?
Yeah I’m certain, trivial mysteries
They threaten my sanity

©2007 Bob Emmet