SuperPowers
music and lyrics by Ian Bonds and Ben Stahl

If you were a super hero, what would your powers be?
Would you have great strength or move at really fast speeds?
Or would folks run & hide when you got angry?
'Cause with any great power comes responsibility
There's so many heroes in the world at large
you need a score card just to tell 'em apart
Like which one's a member of the new X-Men
or who's backstory just got retconned again?
Do your parents have to die in some horrible fashion?
Or get radiation without an allergic reaction?
Will you get signed up for some government program,
Will your new hero name simply end with "man"?
Will you lose one sense but have the other ones heightened?
or chose a symbol to wear to keep your enemies frightened?
Will you have heat vision or the power of flight?
Doesn't matter, just as long as you look good in tights!

Chorus:
Jump Up! Up, up and away
Steal the sun and save it for a rainy day.
Your foes will scream and cower
'cause they're no match for your super powers!

So like any comic fan I have always fantasized
'bout the powers I could use in my war on crime
I could stare at traffic lights until they turn to green
or use the power of my mind to finally stop Charlie Sheen
I wanna use telepathy to move that boulder away
but it only works if it's made out of paper mache
I could make an ounce of ketchup every time that I sneezed
or simply think about milk and it would turn into cheese
You know what super power could really be fun?
If whatever you looked at flew right into the sun
Make a guy from the KKK suddenly black
or impregnate any girl by eye contact
You could have any power! Whatever you wish!
Except Aquamans, who wants to talk to fish?
Encase your enemies in a giant booger.
Don't make me angry, I'll excrete powdered sugar.

Chorus
Jump Up! Up, up and away
Steal the sun and save it for a rainy day.
Your foes will scream and cower
'cause they're no match for your super powers!
So when I say "Super", you say "Powers"
Super! (Powers!) Super! (Powers!)
Now when I say super, you say powers
Super! (Powers!) Super! (Powers!)

So now that I've got the powers, do you know what comes in next?
With every comic action comes some comic sound effects
Like a "boff" or a "pow" or a "thwacK" will do the trick
Maybe a "Bamf" or a "Thwip" or possibly a "Snikt!"
I'll have a secret lair hidden underneath my homes
Or Adamantium grafted onto my bones
I'll have a huge cape made from a lion's pelt
or some extra Batarangs in my utility belt
When you need my help, shine my signal in the sky!
Or call the super secret Mayor's office line
I'll have to be careful around every enemy
Don't want them to learn my secret identity
'cause they might take a shot at the ones I love the most
It's hard to fight crime when your sidekick is toast
(But) No one ever stays dead. They'll all live again!
Unless you're Batman's parents, or your name is Uncle Ben

Chrous
Jump Up! Up, up and away
Steal the sun and save it for a rainy day.
Your foes will scream and cower
'cause they're no match for your super powers!
So when I say "Super", you say "Powers"
Super! (Powers!) Super! (Powers!)
Now when I say super, you say powers
Super! (Powers!) Super! (Powers!)
Jump Up! Up, up and away
Steal the sun and save it for a rainy day.
Your foes will scream and cower
'cause they're no match for your super powers!