Rich: Marjorie, I get a funny feeling when you look at me
Baby I can't see, what's going on
And Marjorie, why do you make me feel so tingly?
You might be 83, but why doesn't it seem wrong?

Dan: 'cos when I saw you at the post office late last week
I was standing behind you and you smelled so sweet
Like potpourri, or lavender Glade plug in
There's something about you girl, got me wonderin'
what is wrong with me, I'm no gerontophile,
But when I see you looking back at me I've got to smile
The only conclusion that I've got
Is that you're an old lady who used to be hot

Charlie: What secrets lie behind those eyes?
50 years ago you had your pick of all the guys

Rich: Marjorie, I get a funny feeling when you look at me
Baby I can't see, what's going on
And Marjorie, why do you make me feel so tingly?
You might be 83, but why doesn't it seem wrong?

Dan: Because I don't know why that every time I see you
and my body says yes, even though my mind says no
I just can't stop myself from calling out BINGO
It's always a pleasure to witness
All the echoes of your former fitness
And surely it's about what's underneath
So I can look past your gray hair and false teeth
You artificial hip and your dodgy knee
And I can see the smokin' hottie that you used to be
I bet back in the day you used to stop men in their tracks
But now they're only stopping to carry some of your shopping
Girl, I wanna give you a bit of a stroke
But I can't incase I literally give you a stroke
But let me get it straight I'm not weird or crazy
I wouldn't look twice at most old ladies
There's something that they're lacking but its something that you've got
'cos you're an old lady that used to be hot

Charlie: Marjorie your beauty peaked too soon
Back when you were in your prime my mum was in the womb

Rich: Marjorie, I get a funny feeling when you look at me
Baby I can't see, what's going on
And Marjorie, why do you make me feel so tingly?
You might be 83, but why doesn't it seem wrong?

Dan: Well Marjorie,
I think we could have been the perfect couple
But when you were my age I was minus 59
And it just never would have worked out
Still, how about next wednesday
I come round yours, we play a bit of bridge, maybe watch Colombo
And we'll take it from there