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2010-04-02
Devo Spice Disclaimer 

Disclaimer
by Devo Spice

[chorus 1]
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)

[verse 1]
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer, whether the universe is
Made of branes or more like spaghetti in a strainer
We're ready to explain all the secrets of the universe
That is of course assuming all the humans don't destroy it first
Looming in the distance is the doom of our existence
Like a piece of pizza microwaved on high for thirty minutes
Or the cake you make and shove into the oven overnight
You can smother it with frosting, but it still won't taste right
Science is the chef mixing up the best ingredients
The genius is when it falls within the standard deviance
But even when it doesn't you can learn from a mistake
Like if you try to bake a pie and instead you get a steak
Learning from what turned out wrong's important to the mission
If you don't adjust your vision then you're just a politician
Wishin' some magician can make the wrong foods disappear
But now I've made myself hungry, let's get outta here

[chorus 2]
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)

[verse 2]
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer, the only thing
That's stranger than fiction are the facts in contradiction
With our rational thought, but that's what quantum theory brought
And it makes my mind weary with the havoc that it's wrought
I'm far from a dunce, I know some particles are runts
But explain to me how they can be in two places at once
That's a trick I'd like to try when the in-laws drop by
And I could teleport to some resort and never need to fly
Science will tackle all the incomprehensible
And try to make sense of all the dense and nonsensical
Like strings, rings, really small things, dark matter
And the universe expanding, guess that's why I'm getting fatter
So although my understanding may be lacking where I want it
Thankfully there's people smarter than me working on it
So I'll pretend to comprehend the snack that I just bought
'Cause I've completely lost my train of thought

[chorus 3]
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)

[spoken bridge]
For centuries scientists have been villainized, and I don't just mean in horror movies, as cool as those characters are. Copernicus was excommunicated* for teaching that the earth was not the center of the universe. Da Vinci did anatomical drawings in secret because dissection was forbidden.** Galileo had really nasty things written on a piece of paper and taped to his back without his knowledge.*** Heck, Darwin's teachings are still being viewed as a sign of the apocalypse 150 years later. The way these people talk you'd think Einstein was the Angel of Death and Stephen Hawking was the freakin' Anti-Christ!
Stephen Hawking: Bow down before me as I bring about the destruction of mankind. Ha ha ha!

[verse 3]
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer, we're seeking the truth
So it should be a no-brainer, that we're always
Right as we enlighten you with our science news
But the truths that we discover may not represent the views
Of the University of California, Davis, KDVS
Or it's sponsors, and while scientists are not monsters
They may still be portrayed that way on SyFy Saturday nights
They're really curing various plights and helping her to whiten her whites
This is science! Not a bru-ha-ha
Like the Oktoberfest band playing oom-pah-pah
The scientific drums beat in ever changing stanzas
While I go buy some oceanfront property in Kansas
So race into space, and see how far we go
'Cause the universe is even bigger than Kanye West's ego
And although you know I've mastered the art of the run on
Sentence, I still have to mention

[chorus 4]
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (spoken sample)
Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer (...this week in Science, coming up next)
*paper crumples*


*It looks like he wasn't ever officially excommunicated, even though that is the popular belief.
**This is also somewhat of an urban legend, as he was apparently granted permission to perform the dissections.
***This is 100% true and I stand by it.
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