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Rob Balder Gamer Funk 

I like to go to a con,
Get my geeky freak on.
I like the parties but I don't like the bathtub beer.

If there's a fan, I'll chat,
Cause I can handle that.
I like to panel but I don't like to volunteer.

Like science fiction and magic,
Stories comic and tragic.
Don't like the slashfic but I do like the cyberpunk.

I'm always happy I came.
But I forget your name.
n'I like to game, but I don't like the gamer funk.

You know what I'm talkin about.

I love the people who think,
But hey, Professor Frink,
You kinda stink. And I'm a bit overpowered.

It's cool you're good at math.
You're not as good at bath.
Are you a sociopath? Just take a shower.

Yeah that's the game room in there,
In desperate need of some air,
Bring in some fans? But it's the fans who are sour.

They're playing ogres and trolls,
But they're too into their roles,
They're eating holes in the wall with the gamer funk.

Aw, more cowbell.
I got a fever.
And the only prescription?
Is Febreeze.

Your olfactory air's unsatisfactory there,
Cause I can smell you, and I just gotta tell you...

Hygiene products are not going to hurt you.
"Burt's Bees" is a brand name, it contains no actual bees.
"Tiger Balm" is not a bomb.
"Lava" soap is not lava.
Stop pretending it is.

One time I left a hunk
Of pumpkin pie in my trunk
It really stunk, but it was not like the gamer funk.

With all that time you've sunk
Into your level 10 monk
You could've taken a damp cloth to your junk.

It's like you took a dunk
In boiled cabbage and skunk
And my face looks like "The Scream" by Edvard Munch.

One time I gamed with these punks,
They smelled so bad I blew chunks,
'K I was drunk, but I can still blame the gamer funk.

Chris M: Aren't you glad you use Dial?
Don't you wish GenCon did?

So while you're playin' that elf,
Take better care of yourself,
Think of your health if not the rules of civility.

These are my people in here,
But on the final frontier,
Washing your rear is still your responsibility.

Maybe I can't reach a geek
Who doesn't bathe in a week
And this critique is just weak futility.

So if go to a con
That smells like Asserbaijan
Well then I'm gone, because I don't like the gamer funk

ShoEboX: Whew, it's a little gamey in here.

Don't like the gamer funk.

ShoEboX: Who farted?
Chris M: Who didn't?

I do not like the gamer funk.
ShoEboX: Oowoah!
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