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Worm Quartet The Ballad of Dr. Stopp This song contains language that may be objectionable to some listeners and may not be suitable for radio broadcast.
Holy crap, it's been over a YEAR since Worm Quartet has had a song on The FuMP. There's been all this Baldbox crap and Cirque du So What junk, but my supposed primary musical project has been totally out of the spotlight. That being the case, I figured I should return with a bang, so here's the epic-length Celtic power metal synth-punk vasectomy ballad you've all been waiting for.

I've been working on this thing for over two years, and yes, it's based on a true story, though the bitchiness of my wife has been significantly exaggerated for comedy purposes.

Curt Allen - of Gravelhead nowadays - returns on guitars for this one.

Tim "ShoEboX" Crist - Vocals / Programming
Curt Allen - All guitars

See you next year!

This song is now available on the following CDs:
2010-04-30 weirdojace
This is the best Irish drinking song about vasectomies ever.
2010-04-30 maxgoof
I was wondering when you were going to put this song on The FuMP after I heard you sing this at Marscon. Having read the lyrics now, I laughed even harder than ever! You ARE going to sing this at Penguicon, yes? YES??
2010-04-30 maxgoof
Oh! And the pun regarding vas deferens.... ARGH!!! I'm stealing it.
2010-04-30 scifantasy
I'm with Maxgoof. The "vas deferens" pun is awful brilliance. Well done, Shoebox!
2010-04-30 stevegoodie
YES! YES! YES!!!! YES!!!!!! Like Max, I thoroughly enjoyed this horrible tale at Marscon, and I SO HAPPY that it's now MINE to listen to WHENEVER I WANT!!! And I can play it for my wife! YES!! Thank you and bless you, oh greaet boX of ShoEs!
2010-04-30 stevegoodie
Sorry for all the typos in that previous comment. I'm just too excited.
2010-04-30 nick007
Does the phrase waaay to much information mean anything?! Totally awesome but kind of scary
2010-04-30 nick007
I meant the ^^SONG^^ is awesome & for some rezone it makes me glad to be single like lots of Worm's songs
2010-04-30 stevegoodie
Yes Nick... be very afraid. I'm on the fifth anniversary of my "procedure," and every now and then I still watch TV with a bag of frozen peas, just for old times' sake. But -- and I really mean this -- I'm oh so glad I did it. Really. Everyone should do this. Especially the FuMPers... we have no business reproducing. Am I right?
2010-05-01 DJ Particle
The problem is that the smarter people, like us, aren't reproducing enough, and stupid people seem to reproduce like rabbits. Personal responsibility is being litigated and regulated away.
2010-05-01 nick007
^^Completely agree DJ Particle. I don't want to reproduce for lots of rezones but I have nothing to worry about because I don't know how to find women; the Jedi mind-trick don't work on em xD. Maybe shoebox, Steve & others could get together & write a self-help about getting women
2010-05-01 stevegoodie
I hear ya, Nick. And believe it or not, I have written that very self-help. You can find it here: http://stevegoodie.com/ahtls2/index.html (sorry, ShoEbox, for plugging my crap on your comments page)
2010-05-01 stevegoodie
I hear ya, Nick. And believe it or not, I have written that very self-help. You can find it here: http://stevegoodie.com/ahtls2/index.html (sorry, ShoEbox, for plugging my crap on your comments page)
2010-05-01 LoonieBin
DJ Particle et. al: http://xkcd.com/603/ Anyway, this is a completely legitimate contender for Best Worm Quartet Song Ever.
2010-05-02 lukeski
I like it when there are new awesome funny songs posted to the FuMP by Worm Quartet like this one! Please do this more often!
2010-05-03 maxgoof
This song and the comments proves, once again, that there are two kinds of people in the world. People like us, and ShoEboX. And Steve Goodie.

Three! There are three kinds of people in the world. People like us, ShoEboX, Steve Goodie, and The Great Luke

FOUR!! There are four kinds of people...
2010-05-03 ProjectSisyphus
Incredible, awesome Worm song. I can't believe I am the first to say Shoebox is truly the most impotent man in comedy music.
2010-05-03 stevegoodie
First to say it... certainly not the first to think it. HAR HAR
2010-05-04 shoebox
Hi all. Thanks for leaving kind words, creeped-out sentiments, and accusations of flaccidity, and for using this song's comments page as a billboard to plug your own music or a soapbox to further your cause regarding procreation worthiness. You're all very very strange people and I'm glad I sang to you about my sperm.

2010-05-04 seamonkey
Ah, but have you posted pictures of your procedure on your website? Pussy. (see "Reversal of Fortune" gallery at seamonkeymusic.com!)
And further apologies, but my first act after my vasectomy, whilst sitting on a bag of frozen peas, was to call a local radio station to tell them of my reduced manhood and regail them with how the missus and I weighed the pros and cons of tube-tying vs. snippin' me sperm chutes, and wow'ed the listeners by finally declaring that in the comparison we discovered there was a "vas deferens"! Cue rimshot!
So, I'm just declaring that, like the Professor in "Rescue from Gilligan's Island", ShoEboX has reinvented what the Seamonkey did before him! ShoEboX just makes better, more kick-ass songs than I do!! Oh well. I leave longer comments.
PS - My vasectomy is nearly 12 years old with no "life finding a way". I'm betting the FuMP ShoEboX's sperm find another route outta there.... AND I'M DONE!! WOOOOOO!!!!
2010-05-04 seamonkey
Slight correction: Reversal of Fortune is of my vasectomy REVERSAL... not the original snippity-do-dah. You're off on a technicality. But my comment's still long.
2010-05-04 weirdojace
Shoebox, someday your son is going to hear "I'm Gonna Procreate" and this song, and he's gonna say, "What the hell, dad?"
2010-05-04 stevegoodie
I would venture to bet that little Steve Crist will log several million excellent reasons to say, "What the hell, Dad?" He has a fairly nutty dad, you see. That's all I'm sayin.
2010-05-14 rick cormier
I think I have a favorite new song! Great lines, great music, great production. What's missing? Just the comments that are sure to follow mine.
2011-01-02 mrjuju
Just a heads up, I used this song in my podcast. I gave both your name and website in the show and release notes, and gave the Fump a shout out as well. If you want to give a listen here is the address (the January 1, 2011 episode has your song in it): http://beyondradio.libsyn.com/january-1-2011
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