Earlier this year, the Federal government saw that America's financial institutions were in trouble and acted swiftly to bail them out, at a cost of 700 billion dollars. This legislation had the unexpected bonus effect of uniting the country: regardless of race, religion, wealth or political affiliation, ordinary citizens-who were not asked-were unanimous in their disgust.
Worse yet, it's still not enough. Banks and brokerage firms still struggle to make ends meet, and taxpayers will be paying this loan off until peace breaks out in the Middle East and the sun becomes a white dwarf, whichever happens first. The message is clear, America: WALL STREET NEEDS YOUR HELP.
So what can we on the FuMP do? Sing, of course. In the tradition of self-congratulatory bleeding-heart charity songs from Michael Jackson's "We Are The World" to Green Day's "The Saints Are Coming", Project Sisyphus is here to tug at your hearts and wallets until our nation is restored to its overconsuming, debt-riddled normalcy.
Now, we know banks can't take charity. But the government can. And to show our gratitude to those who made our entertainment possible, we'll be donating 1/2 our FuMP proceeds this month to voluntary contributions to reduce the public debt.
We had no King of Pop to headline, no celebrity choir for backup, but want to express special thanks to Jevon McGlory for his masterful vocal performance, and the Palisades Lutheran Gospel Singers-Ava DuPree, Kym Foley and Jessica Taylor-for theirs. If we get a Grammy nomination for Best Charity Song Not Sung By A Billionaire Pedophile, it's 'cause of you guys.
Operators are standing by.