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2008-12-05
Robert Lund and Spaff.com The Christmas Thong 
In Newsong's "The Christmas Shoes" the singer finds himself in a checkout line behind a scruffy tike. The boy can't find enough pennies to make his purchase! Which is a pair of shoes!! For his mommy!!! Who is dying!!!! On Christmas Eve!!!!! "I want her to look beautiful," he says, "if Mama meets Jesus tonight."

It's guaranteed to bring a tear to your eye, no doubt caused by the sting of stomach acid in your throat. And it makes you hope the store has a flexible return policy.

If ever a song deserved - nay, begged - to be parodied, it is this one. So here ya go: "The Christmas Thong," with lyrics by Spaff and guest vocals by Macy Lund. Yes, Macy is Robert's offspring, and yes, for this, we're all going to hell. Where the PA plays "The Christmas Shoes" 24/7.

Incidentally, Robert Lund has recorded numerous Christmas songs over the years; many of the best are collected on the CD Elves Gone Wild! Please buy it!! For your mommy!!! Who is dying!!!! On Christmas Eve!!!!!

This song is now available on the following CDs:
      
Comments:
2008-12-05 Molakwae
I don't know which is funnier, a 6-year old buying his mom lingerie, or some dope behind him supporting the kid. The poor sap should have seen it coming.
2008-12-05 madmanOTL
Awesome song! This is the type of holiday parody I expect to hear from this artist.
2008-12-05 dino-mike
Great job!!! You certainly captured the spirit here.
2008-12-05 seamonkey
Lund... Spaff...
Christmas is such a musically magical time. With tears in my eyes and intense ache in my belly, THANK YOU for making me feel like a child again (i.e. rolling on the floor laughing my ass off like a kid)!
Oh, and thanks for breaching the "have child sing questionable lyrics" barrier. Great job, Macy! Now, pray for MY children's futures....
2008-12-05 devospice
This song was very touching. Touching, like, in that inappropriate kind of way touching. But touching, none the less.
2008-12-05 ProjectSisyphus
Man, you guyth are amathing thongwriters...Seeing the title, though, I htought it was a parody of that OTHER Christmas song, you know, "Spaff's Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire." Beautiful job...
2008-12-05 ProjectSisyphus
Incidentally, I think the original writer may have been Bob Carlisle, best known for the equally-sappy "Butterfly Kisses" - an incestuous ballad routinely dragged out for father-daughter dances at weddings.
2008-12-05 EclecticLee
I enjoyed the song, so I guess I'll see you in hell. :-)
2008-12-05 mrwompy
Awesome ... a Christmas song that makes you think of a MILF!!
2008-12-05 chewy's brother
"carjacking? six year old? says his mom's dying?" Sweet Jesus, that's fuktup! yay Lund & Spaff.
2008-12-05 madmanOTL
Looks like I will have company in the same section of hell reserved for people who put their daughter into a Christmas parody that my mom finds disgusting.
2008-12-07 garnsr
Somebody actually made a real song with music this lame? Only in Christmas or christian music.
2008-12-07 davidtanny
Why is top 40 CHR melodies polluting the genre of dementia lately? Isn't CHR being champoined to death by the corporate radio companies? Sorry. This song sounds too much influenced by the dreaded CHR format.
2008-12-07 Spaff.com
Seamonkey: You're reproducing? Now THAT frightens me.

Devo: I'm touched. Touched, like, in the head, like you. But touched nonetheless.

Bob: I'll have you know that I do NOT roast my nuts on an open fire. Any more.

garnsr: Or, in Newsong's case, both.

Everyone else: Thank you for your lovely comments! God bless us, every one!

2008-12-09 voiceroy
davidtanny wrote: > Why is top 40 CHR melodies polluting the genre of dementia lately? Isn't CHR being champoined to death by the corporate radio companies? Sorry. This song sounds too much influenced by the dreaded CHR format. Would you rather dementia artists picked obscure and unknown Christmas songs to parody? Also, for something to qualify as CHR, it should probably be more *contemporary*. This song was originally released in 2000, and it just barely charted on top 40 CHR even then. But nitpicking aside, thanks Rob and Spaff for a searing satire of a much-overplayed, contrived, fictitious, and horribly depressing song that was inspired by an email forwarded story. And of course, if you read it on teh internetz, it must be true.
2008-12-09 Carrie Dahlby
Poor kid!!! ;)
2008-12-10 Spaff.com
Carrie: Kids exist to do our Christmas Eve shopping.

Bob and voiceroy: According to this article, "The Christmas Shoes" was written by two members of the Christian band NewSong (Eddie Carswell and Leonard Ahlstrom, in case you want to look them up and thank them personally), and the song reached #1 on Billboard's Adult Contemporary Singles chart in January, 2001. It was indeed based on a story found on the Internet. Their next big hit will be about the big piles of cash you will get from Microsoft and AOL if you forward their beta-test email.

2008-12-10 Spaff.com
Correction: Microsoft, AOL, and Jesus.
2008-12-11 djseamus
That sounded like a very jolly holiday indeed, awesome stuff Rob. The question is, Spaff, what are you going to write as a follow-up: "All You Need Is Lace"? "G-String" (Parody of Cat Steven's Peace train")? There's so much you could do with lingerie...whoops, did I just say that out loud? Anyways, a superb vocal from Macy....Santa should leave a shiny new, state-of-the-art microphone in your stocking.
2008-12-13 Hello43
I had fun doing this song actually and yes this Macy and if your wondering how is she on hear i mean Im 11 years old people I can figure stuff like this out :)
2008-12-19 Arariel
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is hilarious! That guy had it coming to him! 5/5!
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