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2017-05-21  

7 Healthy Easy Meals That Every Brand New Busy Tired Hungry First Time Mom Can Toss Together With Her Eyes Closed (Or Swollen Shut From Lack Of Sleep / Crying) + A Few Handy Food Tips and a Shopping List

Top L to Bottom R: Oatmeal photo gallery with incredible assortment of delectable topping choices
I know, mama, and on behalf of all moms everywhere, WE know. This next few months is going to knock you on your ass, babe, but you’ll be OK. However, you MUST eat. And if you can, eat well. Your baby depends on you being healthy and sane. Maybe you have some help but when you don’t, refer to these easy recipes and eat. I know it feels like even putting on pants right now is a struggle. Pants are stupid. I call them “society shackles” and I try not to wear them indoors. You will be ok! But first and foremost, you need that good nutrition you hear people talk about. I lost 15 pounds from breastfeeding, because baby eats up to 20 oz of milk a day. So chomp down lots of foods that will fill your ass up for hours, if possible. Like some of the meals below.
The “This Shit Is Hard” Oatmeal Protein Bowl
Oatmeal. I swear by this one. Cook a giant container of it after baby is in bed one night and eat it through the week or set it up at night then make and let it cook in the am while you dress and feed baby. I measure 1/2 cup of oatmeal and one cup of water because 1 serving is a huge amount of satisfying food and has a filling 120 calories. Plus oatmeal aids in lactation, it’s good for your heart and colon, it makes you feel grown up and it’s cheap AF. And they even make it gluten free though I find it not as filling. But here’s what separates the girls from the moms: toppings. Go nuts with your bad breastfeeding calorie needin’ self. Try one, three or all of the following together: Banana, almond or peanut butter, cinnamon, chocolate chips, scoop of yogurt, blueberries, slice of pie, dash of hopes and dreams, new mom tears… you get the idea.
Pretty much anything works on top of oatmeal and that bad bowl of yes please will keep you full for hours. Eat it for lunch and dinner too, because why tf not?
Hot Tip: Try a slice of Whole Foods flourless chocolate cake on top. Repeat every few days for 6 months – the rest of your life.
“Power Through It” Chia Seed Pudding
This healthy meal is so easy to make, it actually preps while you sleep (ha, sleep!). Chia seeds are a super food  which means they’re good as hell for you. Plus a doctor guy I know told me that eating seeds 2x a week can add up to 2 years onto your life–more time to spend with your new baby love. Put a cup of seeds into any bowl and add a cup of almond milk, a squirt of agave, honey or your preferred sweetener, and mint, along with raspberries or any other fruit you have. Stick into fridge to set for a few hours and go to sleep.
Hot Tip: Wake up at 2 am, ravenous and eat cold, or heat up later when you’re feeling more civilized and top with cream or a scoop of sorbet.
“It’ll All Be OK” No Bake (Or Bake If You Wanna) Cookies
This one you can practically do while changing a diaper. In a large bowl, smoosh 3 bananas, a cup of oatmeal,
A large squirt of honey or your preferred seeetener, 2 or so heaping tablespoons of peanut butter, chocolate or butterscotch chips and any nuts or seeds you like. Add a little almond milk or water if you need some lube. Smash together until it has the consistency of a chunky bowl of granola bar. Scoop spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet and bake for 10 mins or don’t. Alternatively, you can mush this into a giant square, bake and then cut into bars. Put into a container and nibble when you get the hunger, or freeze.
Hot Tip: Eat right out of the bowl with a spoon.
The “I Got This” Smoothie
Leave your blender set up and out if you can and lean on it when you’re not strong, during the hard early days. Don’t measure, that’s for people without infants. You’re a mom now and you don’t have to do things like “use cups”. Eyeball in a couple servings of any kind of milk, toss a peeled banana or 2 or any fruit in, add a spoonful of cocoa, a glob of peanut butter, a scoop of ice, handful of nuts, the sweetener you like and blend, baby, blend!
Hot Tip: Cry loudly while the blade spins. No one can hear you.
“Do It For Baby” Protein Rice Bowl
When my LO was raisin sized, my mantra was, if I can’t do it for me, I will do it for him. I was tired, after an unplanned C section, I hurt, both physically and emotionally, and I was feeling abandoned by friends and family. PTSD hit hard and some days, I can’t count how many times I cried. But I knew I had to eat and eat well so I could feed him and refuel myself. I set up rice in the rice maker (do you have one? If no, why not? They are cheap and so easy to use.) I put one cup brown rice (use brown for better nutrition) and two cups water in the rice maker and went back to bed. With the rice, you can do a lot–eat it with your fingers, add butter and salt and it tastes like popcorn, add soy sauce  and mustard and hot sauce and it tastes like Chinese food. (I call this “white fire and ate it all through college, although today I’d call it brown fire and use brown rice instead). Add sugar, milk and cinnamon or chocolate chips while it’s still warm and it’s a dessert, kind of like rice pudding. Add avocado, olives, tomato and lettuce and it’s a Mediterranean style meal. Add beans and it’s Mexican. My point is, it’s stupid easy to make and use and cooks while you sleep. Keyword: sleep.
Hot Tip: Half the rice and add extra water plus any veggies in your fridge and a bouillon cube to the rice maker and you’ve got a nourishing soup.
“It Will Get Easier” Soup
Fill a large pot with water and add a few scoops of miso paste to the water. Let it boil. Tada! Miso soup. You can also do this with bouillon cubes for chicken, beef, seafood or vegetable soup. Add veggies if you have them but it’s not important right this second. For now, drink the hot nourishing broth and live to fight another day.
Hot Tip: Don’t add salt and add less bouillon or miso than you think you’ll need because that stuff is way mega salty. This is also a sneaky way to drink more water to help promote breastfeeding.
“Welcome To Your New Life!” Egg Dishes
Boil a whole dozen eggs and then put them in the fridge. When you’re hungry, eat a hard boiled egg. Take an egg and chop it up. Add it to the rice bowl above. Mash up a few and add mayo for egg salad or an egg sandwich.
Hot Tip: Wash your hands after handling raw eggs. It’s a no brainer but it’s easy to forget to do when you’re tired.
Not A Meal But Ideas To Make Water More Fun To Drink So You Will Drink Lots Of It
– Add cucumber slices
– Add lemon or lime slices
– Add strawberries or any berries
– Add apple cider vinegar
– Add a tea bag
– Decaf coffee and diet soda and seltzer count as water! To make coffee fill you up so hard, add a pat of butter to it. (It’s like adding cream to coffee but much more filling and pretty damn tasty too, believe it or not).
– Add a bouillon cube or miso paste
– Add ice or flavored ice (ice cubes with a berry added to each cube compartment)
– Add your favorite crystal or rock to the bottom of the glass (be sure not to swallow it, duh)
– Add good vibes and healing energy–YOU GOT THIS!!
Healthy Easy Shopping List: Write a list to carry with you so that you know what you need and don’t waste time at the grocery store. (What’s time and how do I waste it?) Here are some items to get you started and to help you with the recipes listed above:
Staple Shopping List
Oatmeal
Peanut or Almond Butter
Bananas and whatever fruit and berries are on sale
Large bag of Kale, pre-shredded (when things settle, you can buy the stalks again, clean them, strip them, etc.)
Tomatoes, avocados and whatever veggies are on sale
Brown Rice
Bouillon or Miso
Yogurt
Eggs
Milk
Nuts (most nuts are expensive but peanuts will do, or anything on sale, or trail mix is a good often cheap alternative)
Extras Shopping List
Chia seeds
Ice Cream
Pie
Coffee
Butter
Apple Cider Vinegar
Tea / Diet soda / Seltzer
Cocoa powder
Sweetener
Flourless chocolate cake
Chocolate or butterscotch chips or a bar of dark chocolate

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