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2015-02-15 (0 comments)

Happy Valentine’s Day, Everyone

Hello lovers, I hope you all had a groovy Valentine’s Day. It cracks me up annually that the initials of Valentine’s Day are V.D., because it’s so true, everyone’s got one. Did you know that more than 50% of Americans have herpes? This sentence brought to you by Valtrex, or whatever that drug is called. What is the singular of herpes? Herpie? That sounds like a gym teacher’s last name. I have never had visible signs of herpes but I must have it. I mean, I live in NYC. I think when you move here, it comes in your welcome kit, along with the keys to your over priced walk up studio apartment. Still, I prefer to say Happy and not Heppy Valentine’s Day. But enough of that.

The reason I am writing today is to share some home made valentine candies I made. I found a site where you can “make your own”. You can choose your own color and you get up to 8 characters. Here are mine:

IMG_7199 IMG_7200 IMG_7201 IMG_7202 IMG_7203What would yours say?

I had a pretty lousy Valentine’s day. Besides the fact that I got to perform and got paid for it, which is always a BLESSING (announced very dramatically breathily with a sideways head tilt for effect)(p.s. want to catch my next show? visit the calendar), my poor valentine was sick with the flu so no boom boom for this baby san.

I could go on a little more about how I thought I lost my laptop in a cab or how the true highlight of my evening was eating a Pies & Thighs donut or about how I’m opening up a 1600 square foot music school, store and venue in a few weeks but I’ll save it all for another time.

2014-12-31 (0 comments)

Ladies Street Harass The Fellas In Search Of Quality Dick Pics

In this video, a group of my lady comedian pals set about to see if we can get any guys to take some “classy” dick pics in our state of the art dick custom made pic photo booth in Gramercy Park, NYC. This is what happens. Starring Dava Krause, Coree Spencer, Heather Bunch. Filmed by Bill Scurry and Alex M.

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2014-11-17 (0 comments)

Doctors Without Borders Fundraiser this Wed, Nov. 19 with Fred Armisen, Jim Gaffigan, David Cross, Janeane Garofalo, Regina Spektor and many more

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This Wednesday, join Jena Friedman and Greg Barris for the Doctors Without Borders fundraiser at Irving Plaza in NYC, which they’ve put together to help bring relief to West Africa ebola victims. Doors at 6:30 PM, show starts at 7 PM.

For $60 you can not only enjoy a great comedy and music show featuring too many great acts to even list (I will be performing a little bit of music on the show as well), but you can also help a worthy cause. For $110 tickets, you will get admission to the VIP after party to follow. I say go for it and splurge, plunk down the extra $50 and hob nob with the city’s funniest cool kids. Get your tickets here now. Read more about the show here.

2014-11-14 (0 comments)

#TBT To Beat The Band: Here I Am, Immortalized Lurking Behind Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers Jess Jena Daniella

An old pal of mine from Maine found this photo taken at Michael Musto’s 50th birthday party and sent it to me tonight. I wasn’t expecting to see it, and it took me back to a time when I shared the planet with one of the world’s greatest comedians. It almost looks like I have stink face in the photo, but that’s just my face. I photograph like my face is broken, every time. The truth of it is, I was in awe and admiration that I was getting to stand so close to this comedy idol. We share a birthday – June 8th – and I always felt a special connection to Joan Rivers. I met her at IFC (Tanya O’Debra took me to see her documentary, “A Piece of Work” and she came to the screening. She was so kind to me and to everyone there. She gave me comedy advice and stayed around to talk to everyone and shake all our grubby, desperate hands. I’m so happy to have this photo and though I only got to meet her a couple times and briefly at that, I will miss her for the rest of my days.

2014-11-10 (0 comments)

Thanks to the internet, I got to talk to Megan Amram today

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Dava Krause as a dude in our little video shoot.

This morning, I woke early. I exited my apartment to find that the weather was pleasant; warm as a hooker’s laurels, in fact. I skedaddled to the subway as fast as my legs could make my bike take me and hustled out to Bushwick to arrive 15 minutes early to meet a friend, comedian Dava Krause to film a video for our internet based show, “28 Rulz of the Internet“. It went well and was fun and easy. The end.

Then, I shared a cab back to Manhattan with the director. His name is Shane. He is pretty bad ass. I forgot to tell the driver to take the outside lane so I had to boogie back to my office from a little further away, but I made it in time to do a sound check for a Huffington Post Live segment where I would be allowed to ask Megan Amram a question.

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Megan Amram is pretty funny, confirms most of the internet.

Ha! Jokes on them, I asked two. You can see the full interview here. If you don’t know who Megan Amram is, ask Uncle Google, OK? She’s a Twitter success story with a bajillion followers. She has gotten job upon job from being funny on Twitter (such as a writing job on Parks and Recreation) and now she has a book out called, “Science For Her!” I’ve been doing comedy for 14 years. I’ve been pitching a book for the past several weeks and have gotten about 10 big fat “go fuck yourself”‘s. But I have two potential publishers who are still thinking about it, so my fingers are crossed so hard they are doing something like rug-burning each other.

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Megan Amram, my new boss

Suffice to say, since Megan and I are both super funny and super successful, we hit it off super well. She hired me on the spot with no samples or credentials to write for her new TV show called “Pussy” on Comedy Central which hasn’t started yet and may never start. Amy Schumer apparently battled it out with Comedy Central to be able to say “pussy” on her show because you can say “dick” and that’s fine, and she WON. So now, it’s cool to say “pussy” on Comedy Central, and I’m pretty excited about that because this. So now that I have a big time comedy writing job for a TV show called “Pussy” that Megan Amram is starting that may or may not and more on the not side will ever actually happen, life is pretty great and all my problems are solved. The end again. In fact, I like the idea of having a show called “Pussy”, and since Megan is super busy, I think I’m going to just start it, and if and when Megan comes around and wants to get involved, I’ll have already started it up for her.

Last of all, yesterday I roasted Fred the Elephant Man, a wack packer from The Howard Stern Show at the Comic Strip in NYC which was a cross between one of the most fun and saddest nights ever. But, how could it be both, you didn’t ask? I guess you would just had to have been there. I’m going to upload a video of my set soon, so turns out, you didn’t necessarily have to be there. A good time and a lot of straight up LOL’s were had by all. OK, the end, again, this time, for real.

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L: I basically verbally shit all over a poor schlub with a speech impediment on his birthday for fun because someone asked me to
R: Mike Lawrence and the audience seem super entertained and possibly also a bit ashamed by whatever is going on

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L: Meatloaf–I mean Nicole Bass showed up for the roast
R: Fred and me hang out before the show

Check out my calendar for this week’s shows and let’s be friends on Twitter and Facebook and iTunes.

 

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